Learning Life's Lessons

Alicia's formal education began with a Head Start program. I would have preferred a Montessori school, but funds were tight and I had to pay for college. Head Start was a good experience. Her teachers and bus driver remember her well. She was the bright and beautiful young lady that was full of life. She was always an excellent student. Her people skills were advanced even as a young girl and her engaging personality always won people over early on. I look back with appreciation for many things that helped shape the woman she was. During this experience, I'm particularly grateful for her exposure to minority classmates and multiculturalism. We encouraged acceptance of all people and to not judge them by the color of their skin, their belief system or any other distinguishing characteristics. Alicia was always accepting of others and embraced diversity. She couldn't understand how or why people could hate each other because of their differences. I remember when she was around fifteen, she came to me and said, "dad, I need your advise". A boy at school, who was her friend and happened to be black, asked her out. She wasn't sure what to do. She really liked him but only as a friend. I asked her if she would go out with him if he was white, and she said no, he's just a friend. I said, there's your answer. Alicia saw the richness that diversity brought to the whole and reached out to all people with an open heart. Her compassion and caring for fellow humans and all of life was abundant. And she loved the rich tapestry that diversity created.

After Head Start, we had a decision to make about Alicia's education. It was obvious that she was a very bright and intelligent young lady. I remember giving her an intelligence test during this time (I was taking graduate courses and one of them was a psychometrics course). Her scores were exceptional. The local grade school at the time didn't impress us much. So, we chose to enroll her in a Parochial school, which had an excellent academic reputation. We really couldn't afford it, but did it anyway. Alicia excelled and scored in the ninety-ninth percentile on a battery of national tests given in the second grade. We only kept her here for a couple of years, but she developed some friendships that lasted a lifetime. That was a special quality that Alicia always had. She made friends easily and they proved to be long lasting. Alicia was one of those people who could easily be your best friend and she had many.

Alicia's public school experience started in third grade with the Urbana school system in Urbana, Ohio. She excelled academically and in everything else she did. We tried to enrich her learning with whatever we could afford, such as, piano lessons (her piano teacher played at her memorial service), coronet, gymnastics, church camps, library visits, encouraged her in her involvement in plays, musicals, attended school functions and more. We also traveled around the country, camping along the way. Life seemed much simpler then. We lived in the country, grew a garden, belonged to an organic food co-op, ground our own flour, made tofu, worshipped God on Sundays and in life, and learned to appreciate the simplistic beauty of nature and the joy of life. This love of nature and a reverence for life was deeply intrinsic with Alicia and manifested in all that she did. Alicia loved life and had a deep respect for all of life.

During this time, I finished my bachelor's degree, took a couple years off, and finished my masters. Bev started her college pursuit and continued after I finished. During the last quarter of my master's degree, we had our fourth and last child, Elijah Zane. We decided on a home birth and worked with midwives. All of our family was present along with our some very close friends who were very spiritual people. Alicia's role, as the precocious big sister of ten years of age, was that of courier and communications networking person. She made sure that all was in place, telephone calls were made and anything else that needed done. I was coach and did the actual delivery. Shanoa helped comfort her mom, and Zac observed. Bev did all the work. Although Alicia was only ten years old, her leadership qualities and "coolness" under pressure were quite advanced. Later we would see this manifest in plays, musicals, and activities in which she would have lead roles with song and dance routines, such as in "Sweet Charity". Her leadership skills were utilized in many areas, such as, clubs, organizations, and class officer. She was a born leader, had keen insight, had excellent communications skills, and always maintained a positive regard for those around her.

Alicia's love of dancing would lead her into cheerleading from junior high through high school. She took her role seriously while cheering for the teams and she was a cheerleader in life as well. She always sought ways to encourage others, cheer them on to do better and bring the best out in them. During my running of marathons, from Columbus to Boston, Alicia was always running along beside me in the last few miles cheering me on and giving me words of encouragement. Lord knows I needed them at that point. I know her spirit will be running along side Greg, Shanoa and me during the upcoming San Francisco Marathon on July 28, 2002. We are running in her honor, the marathon she'll never get to run.

During high school, Alicia was nominated for and selected for state competition as the "Young Woman of the Year". Poise, character, intelligence, presence and talent were all assessed. Alicia was blessed with all of that and more. For her talent competition, she chose, of course, dancing. Although she had no formal training, with the help of her mother who taught aerobic dancing at the time, Alicia pulled it off successfully. She was bold and unafraid to go after what she wanted in life. I loved that about her. She lived life to the fullest!

As a toddler, Alicia and I would go to the local park in Urbana, Ohio, with our Old English Sheepdog, Cleo. Alicia loved that dog and Cleo watched over her like a lost lamb. We would play on the playground equipment, hike with her in a backpack and just enjoy nature for endless hours. Bev would join us when she could. Alicia, especially liked the "curvy slide", as she called it. The long climb to the top, the excited anticipation, and then, go for it! Down through a corkscrew tunnel she sped, around and around until she popped out the bottom into the awaiting arms of mom or dad. She loved it! Alicia was an adventurer from the beginning.

A lot of time was spent on my back in our yard-sale backpack. Throughout her early years and beyond, we would travel all over the United States and Canada on a shoestring budget, camping along the way. We hiked in the Rocky Mountains, throughout California, The Great Smokey Mountains and parts in between, She learned at a young age to appreciate God's magnificence and beauty that abounds. Alicia loved to travel and she loved nature's wonderland.

In the fall of 1974, the start of my senior year in college, I dropped out. I was going through the motions of college, my grades were good, but my heart was with my family. I knew when the time was right that I would return and finish. I went back two years later. At the time I dropped out, I realized that I had too many priorities and not enough time in the day to fulfill them. I needed a sanity break and some time to do some much-needed soul searching. Consequently, I quit my job in a factory that really wasn't suiting my needs and got a job working for a farmer. He was a feisty, self-made, little, sixty-five year old man who had too many acres to farm and not enough help. I was it! My test to get the job was a real challenge that required a combination of strength, critical thinking skills and some knowledge of farm equipment. Carl, the farmer, showed me a big John Deere tractor with dual wheels and said, " I have to go into town for awhile. Change that inner tire and I'll check with you later". I had never done this before but have never shirked from a good challenge. When he returned, the tire was changed and I was basking in the sun. I had passed the test. He offered me the job making seventy-five dollars per week; a cute little converted one-room schoolhouse to live in, with the opportunity to work long hard hours of labor-intensive work. Some might say I was crazy, but I loved it. Long hours of solitude during which I could contemplate the mysteries of life and meditate in an environment more conducive to the natural rhythms of life. I had more time with my wife and two-year old daughter, Alicia, since I worked in close proximity. The fast-paced, churning wheels of progress that had so engulfed me previously were behind me, for awhile.

It was during this time that I re-connected spiritually, and soon felt the need to seek a spiritual place of worship that would allow me the freedom to develop my own spirituality without compromising my uniqueness and individual values for the sake of the collective principles. We also felt strongly that our children needed to be given the opportunity to develop their spirituality in an environment that nurtured and encouraged these values. The criteria included a place that would be open-minded, accepting, based on God's truth not on a restrictive human version, love-filled, regenerating, accepting of new ways of thinking, all-inclusive, warm, inviting and uplifting. Now, where on earth could such a church exist? Most of the churches in small town Ohio are more dogmatic, more fundamental and more conservative. But, ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find. We found exactly what we were looking for and more. It was a small Christian Church in the heart of Urbana, Ohio. The Church of the New Jerusalem, founded by followers of the great eighteenth century mystic, theologian, and scientist, Emanuel Swedenborg. His writings hold the best kept secrets and wisdom to live by that exists today. The beauty of this church and its teachings is that it provides answers to the mysteries of life, completely accepts and helps explain each individuals spiritual journey, is deeply profound yet has a simplicity that clearly guides us and yields understanding. Divine love and Divine wisdom working in conjunction for good are the main precepts. Volumes have been written that were done so to help spiritual seekers in their quest for God's truth and love through a regenerative process.

Alicia was always allowed and encouraged to question spirituality, to inquire into the inner workings of the soul, to seek truth wherever it could be found, to develop the divine love within, and to do good works to help make the world a better place. She was always a spiritual seeker who lived her life in reverence to the sanctity of life, always with love and compassion. Alicia's soul shined like a bright star for all to see.

Growing up in a conservative, small town environment in the heart of Champaign County, Ohio gave her the roots she needed to fly away when the time came. During her early years we lived in old farmhouses set back off the road. Many days were spent playing, exploring, riding bikes, swinging from rope swings, playing with Old English Sheepdogs, cats and goats, gardening, swimming, reading, and traveling. When Alicia was four, we were blessed with another beautiful daughter, Shanoa (the name comes from a Cherokee name meaning white dove or peace and harmony in nature) Shanoa to this day has lived up to her namesake. Alicia was ecstatic. She loved having a baby sister to help care for and play with. Fifteen months later, our first of two boys, Zachery Ian was born. He was a very spirited boy with a spirit similar in nature to Alicia. Four years later Elijah Zane, our last beautiful child, was born at home. Alicia was like a second mother to him in his early childhood. Our ideal family of two beautiful girls and two wonderful boys was complete. Alicia was the perfect older sister. She doted over each of them and enriched their lives with her shining example through all of her many achievements and her kind acts and loving heart. She dearly loved her little sister and brothers. Shanoa always looked up to Alicia with adulation and the utmost respect. After all, Alicia was accomplished at everything she did, had great interpersonal skills, was very bright and gifted academically, musically talented, athletic, and quite beautiful inside and out. She was also very humble and loving in all that she did. There were only a couple of brief periods in her life during difficult times when she struggled with her many fine qualities. But, through hard work and a strong will to health, she managed to come through those growth periods with more resolve and a brighter spirit than before.

Alicia had the unenviable task of breaking us in as parents. Perhaps the biggest challenges came when she was a budding young woman in early adolescence. Like all young adults, she had to differentiate and try out differing values. Grounding seemed to work wonders with her but unconditional love was always a given. She really was well behaved and trustworthy, but she challenged us to grow as parents through this period in her life. Her headstrong and adventuresome spirit kept us hopping, and I found myself becoming a bit overprotective of my beautiful young teenage daughter. The epitome of this over protectiveness came when she was about sixteen and dating a high energy, ornery young man named Chad. Chad is a great guy and remained friends with Alicia, as did all of her ex-boyfriends, throughout her life. He had come to visit Alicia, and the next thing I knew they were upstairs in her bedroom. My suspicious mind grew more so by the minute until I had to do something about it. So I marched upstairs and boldly knocked on her door. She didn't answer so I burst into the room and asked Chad to leave. It was all harmless and innocent, but I felt compelled to save my daughter from the testosterone-laden males that lurked about. Chad and I laughed about this at her memorial service, and he told me it had freaked him out, so he avoided me for a long time after that episode.